Some: Times

Navigating life through coffee, volunteering & laughter.

Recent Posts

  • Users/Haters

    i  am quite flummoxed as for the First time in my life i was called a “user” by what i will call a under handed, unprofessional chemical dependency counselor; who in what was my monday ritual of house meeting extolled this to the Entire house of women. i was aghast-i had asked her if she was a former drug user herself when she chimed to me that i could tell her since i was One. when i got noticeably upset by her behavior she asked me what was Wrong. i should have gone to see “dark knight” and skipped the meeting but i responded & as i was already branded by the staff as “verbally abusive” & on my second strike they wasted no time in getting rid of me.

    i had 3 days i didn’t use to leave, my friend picked me up early yesterday afternoon & didn’t leave much of donations to the other women as i still have a place for my belongings. i also have a roof over my head, a quiet house where the only sounds are that of a barking dog. considering i have lived with 30 barking women in the last near year it’s refreshing to be able to cook anything i want in the kitchen, walk into a bathroom without having to lock the door & walk outside without having to worry about 4 digit codes or checking in with staff before retiring to bed for the night.

    i am disgusted with the transitional program i was in as i didn’t gain much knowledge about myself or what they deemed my “verbally abusive” behavior. i got stable on my medication did my chore flawlessly, but had no head space where i was able to think. i no longer have to worry about malicious gossip by the UNprofessional staff that ran the place or the women i was living with. after outing the chemical dependency counselor lack of ability (she Claimed she has a Gift.)  in the house i was Pleased to hear that The Actual Users in the house want very little to do with her. she shot herself in the Foot in the meeting where she was introducing herself to the women i used to live with.

    i was called a “hater” for calling her out, something i have never been. if i was i wouldn’t have Friends. haters don’t have Friends. as a send off from me leaving the house i went out for coffee with a few of them. where the topics where the same old problems that have always been at Compass Cascade. unprofessional staff, bullies and gossip. things that Never changed in the time i was there. i gained no Great Knowledge about myself. i learned how to avoid the Bullies, staff that wasn’t supportive & functioned more like Glamorized Desk Jockeys with $20 per-hour job.

    my days are my own again & it will take some time to get used to not having to Check in with my worthless case manager who egged me on & berated me more than she supported. or having to count days i can take out per-month, i can have a drink & watch my friends play in a band without worrying about Curfews, Caustic directors who swings from one pendulum to the next/changes with every other day & had one of the worst Fake Sweet voices i have heard in my life. it will take some get used to not sharing space with a bunch Bullies & unprofessional staff. but i am Looking forward to the Next Step in my adventure & am sure i can land on my feet, no matter what comes in my way.

  • next to the Beast

    mixed. tossed. stressed out. it has been one of those moments recently when things just seem to be on a shift-& the full moon is over or so i thought. the house has been wearing on me-i get accused of being a “gossip” when i don’t Talk. much like today because some princess in hideous shoes & gross pants sits down next to me with 2 laptops, first of all that is a BIT extreme in a cafe-to add: one is a Mac/one is a HP neither has a black screen to shield the person sitting next to the Beast.

    she stares me down with her fugly top gun glasses & accuses me of “snooping” when i was turning my head, because this is a public place. i told her that if she wanted privacy-the library has rooms you can reserve & No one can see in. Lucky for me the barista shares my view. if you want privacy you can simple work @ home & pay extra for your “privacy” eh. anyway, she is obviously Late to work & from my guess is also confused, working on 2 laptops is a BIT much. she’s using 2 tables on what has been a busy afternoon for the place i go.

    it’s ironic as i have ONLY encountered the temperamental lately-i broke down yesterday as i reached my breaking point with all the gossip in the house, we have a new patient there someone who is quite sick-& is Very Unhappy. she has been complaining about the stuff that doesn’t change, the staff that remains the same, gossip, not being liked. i could write her laundry list in this entry, but i am not going to. the house is what the house will always be a place for women to NOT get out of being homeless. in that regard the program is a failure.

    i am beginning to count down my last month, it’s the only way i will survive it. being threatened to lose my federal welfare check has angered me this week-the doctor hasn’t turned over my paperwork & i may or may not have my meek, lame benefits next month. tomorrow i get to spend the morning on the phone-trying to figure out the whole mess that is not my fault but our poorly managed welfare system. i was told in no uncertain terms that i can’t work, with a meek $339 a month & being told that really angers me. the system essentially doesn’t work to get out of…

    argh. lame. hence, i feel that i have the Right to get emotional when things sitting in my life this way. i know things will get better, there is only one way to go & that is UP. somehow i hope that i will beat the system instead of becoming someone who is chronically homeless& destitute. seeing the part of the society that can’t keep bathrooms clean or clean up their own rooms after themselves is sad. there is no demand for the women in the house to keep a tidy room, although there should be. there is no demand for the women to get a volunteer gig, or a job. it’s essentially a poorly maintained warehouse for women, or as someone else put it an all expense hotel. i am Happy i will soon be checking out of, only a month to go. till then i hope to Avoid Beasts in cafe’s….

  • theViewfromWhereIam

    i live in a transitional shelter, where the women i live with only obligation is to find housing & lie around sleeping beautiful summer days away. where fights erupt over burners, cigarettes& clothes usually stolen from the wash. i do a chore everyday, it’s a small penance for having a roof over my head. the house is wave, sometimes it’s calm-with the full moon coming the wind comes in & attitudes begin to flow. here’s a small summary of the women i get the experience of seeing everyday.

    “diva” is what it said on her shirt, she paraded around the house for a few hours so everyone would get a good look @ our low class felon that did a few days in the slammer last month. i had a tough time telling her that she wasn’t even close to “diva.” maybe a HMB, but not a “diva.” she cleans her cadillac out every few weeks & draws attention to her ever expanding rear end by wearing clothes not suited for women her size & flirting with the often drunk/high street homeless men that surf through our neighborhood. when the fire alarm recently rang she went over & low & behold they all came over & bummed from the women waiting outside. what a champ.

    or maybe i should dedicate a few lines to a woman that has become a fashion accessory in her bathrobe, it’s her new coat & she parades around the house in it All Day. her hair pulled back with fashionable bandannas or hairnets. she claims she is from the east coast—her days revolve around smoking, sleeping & pacing in her bathrobe. her new activity is tagging me-meaning that she follows me around the house to the point that i have had to go to the staff.

    then there is my neighbor who i share the bathroom with, who still lives very much like a man, not a woman. her room is filthy& she claims that sex isn’t between the legs-it’s in the mind. ah-wait not quite. she uses foul smelling body spray & cheap pink bottles of shampoo, along with high priced shaving cream she uses for her face & not for her legs. she wants to be woman, her attitude& the state of her room that staff has taken notice of more than once tells another story.

    i take my bus pass & i Escape. i find corners in coffee shops& places i can blend in & for a few hours feel like my life is a bit more than the tiny room i have with a door. more than the chore i have to do everyday. that i Again will be something in this world. what Never escapes how close i am to being back in the street shelter. i don’t think it’s a feeling that will ever go away until i am in a stable, calm environment i am working towards everyday. i Believe that i can get myself to a better place, it is what i have to believe.