I originally wasn’t going to write on this topic. But feel now that I have no choice. I grew up with a first physically abusive father who later traded that for psychological abuse because as he said “I had no proof.” He would gaslight me & I essentially became the family punching bag.

My mother partook in the abuse by withholding affection & would accuse me of everything under the sun. She’s been unmedicated bipolar my whole life. In high school & grade school I never knew which way the pendulum would swing as my parents & my own sister did everything they could to keep me off balance with crazy making & false often misguided fights.

When I was 23 my father strangled me over a wine bottle, it wasn’t an expensive one but it was worth more than my life. I spent a decade afterwards with the remnants of the damage he’d caused me. I couldn’t run without getting migraines, I could barely look left(that’s the way he twisted my neck.) without getting massive headaches.

My own sibling claims I ruined her childhood. She’s incapable of acknowledging that she also partook in the abuse. What did she do you may ask? Spread rumors about me in grade school & high school. She’d do something wrong but would make sure I got the abuse. She was treated like crystal & with her strive for perfection & nearly constant meltdowns about her hair, make up or nails she was nearly impossible to live with.

I’ve always been told that I’m the scapegoat of the family but I’m the only one that has sought therapy & stayed in therapy. My mental health stems from my very unbalanced & dangerous upbringing where I had no safe space. Not in school & not at home. When you essentially grow up being terrorized on a regular basis it does something to your own well being.

For example in my twenties & thirties it took very much for me to trust anyone. I still have a high bar for trust & no longer share anything personal unless I’ve known that person for a long time. I AM Jane Doe my story is real as are my experiences.