in the past 2 weeks i have encountered what i call recession aggression where business owners think that it’s appropriate to harass Yelpers over unfavorable reviews, i also encountered the neighborhood slumlord who happens to unfortunately own a house right next to ours. when i say slum i don’t say that lightly-by refusing to provide heat which is part of city code and the landlord tenant act she broke the law. she also refused to fix leaking walls and broken appliances. The last 2 years the tenants lived there she didn’t even give them a contract; also illegal. yesterday i was accused of being a “bad person” because i wrote an unfavorable review because my husband ended up losing mobility in his neck after the massage he received for his birthday. today, because i know the landlord tenant law for the city i was accused of being racist by a very unstable woman.

this is recession aggression the inability to communicate without threatening/harassing the person you encounter. i want to address the racist issue first as i went to one of the most diverse universities on the east coast. i have dated every color under the rainbow and live in of the most diverse neighborhoods in Seattle. i took a class at my university on African American literature in the 90’s and it was one of my favorite classes; i chose to stay in the class with the greater number of African Americans because i wanted to hear their cultural view and their opinion on the books we where reading. i dated the former QB from my university who was an adorable, sweet guy who also happened to be black. One of my oldest friends is a Orthodox Jew who invited me to his wedding. To me i am color blind and only judge by your actions; actions and behavior is not based on race it’s based on your behavior towards others.

the business owner who rambled incessantly at me yesterday was abusive and combative to the point that it made my husband and i fear for our safety. when i wrote my review i had no idea i would be accused of being retaliatory or as he put it vitriolic. he went so far as to contact Yelp HQ and have my unfavorable taken down. as my husband put it this is a man that will only tolerate yes-if he doesn’t receive it he will go to any length to protect himself; which also includes harassing my husband at work and making personal digs on our lives and our marriage. this is another example of recession aggression in its purest form.

a note on safety: if you encounter someone who is combative after simply asking a question leave the area or the place asap. after leaving and the person continues contacting you electronically document the situation either with sending a text to someone you know or by taking pictures or video. i have video on my phone showing my husbands loss of mobility, sleeping on the couch and he went to an doctor so we have medical documentation. document and don’t take your life and your safety for granted.

 

so here it is after 3 years of being on-time for my appointments and 75-80% of time watching my therapist/msw show-up 10-30 minutes late i had enough. if you’re paying for someone else it is their job to be on-time period. if they are not here are some steps to change provider or fire your therapist.

however, this also depends on how many medications you’re on and when was the last time you were in the hospital. if you’re taking more than 2 medications per-day and was hospitalized within the last 12 months i would NOT recommend that you seek counseling elsewhere. being stable and functioning is very important if you’re refusing treatment they may force you back in the hospital.

if you’re out this zone of treatment however and your medications have been tapered off and you’re functioning well and managing your stress you have the right as patient to seek treatment elsewhere. here are the signs of a unprofessional therapist.this has happened to me in the last 3 years and this behavior is unacceptable.

—they routinely show up late for your appointments-Always with a excuse in tow. when you address their lack of professionalism with their boss they emotionally blackmail you by telling you have to stay within the practice because of the medication you’re taking or the shrink that’s prescribing them.

—the therapist/msw threaten your government benefits or try to tell you have to stay within the practice because you only qualify because of one component. this is false and unprofessional-they should be reported to their bosses immediately

—this how a BAD session looks: they show-up anywhere between 15-30 minutes, after you’re led into their office rather than putting away their belongings they fidget instead of listening. fidgeting can include anything from doing their nails with nail polish, they can’t retrieve your file or they don’t have it ready. they’re NOT taking notes about what you’re saying(most people who come into therapy usually speak about their main issues within the first 20 minutes of a session.) here some basic things they should NOT be doing: fishing around their drawers for ANYTHING. if they have a headache they should take their Aleve or Tylenol between sessions NOT during them this includes allergy medication, nasal sprays anything that takes their focus off you.

a) the fidgeting described above lasts 15 minutes and there are no notes taken or very poor eye contact with you the patient. when they finally settle down it’s the last 15-20 minutes of the session and you feel that NOW you can tell them your main emotionally trigger you may have had. DON’T because at this point you will be cut off and will not have a proper resolution to your problem which can cause the rest of your day to be off kilter.

—when they come late for sessions and constantly try to give you a new verbal contract-keep in mind this to give you the impression that they care but a unprofessional therapist/msw won’t honor what they are telling you. if start telling you that they promise their behavior will change don’t believe it.

—some therapists believe that their patients are sicker then they are:  here’s magical feather trick. they treat you as a child and tell you that you should carry around a laminated piece of paper with their numbers on it and your family member, including your date of birth. okay-first of all this piece of paper does you the patient nothing. if the police are called because you are actually spiraling it means you’ll end up the hospital no matter what. the first thing police look for is your license or state id. hence, the magical feather does nothing.

—here’s another heads up: your therapist/msw has come late to session BUT refuses to honor the requirement of your 50-55 minute session by showing agitation towards you the patient when you have only shared 4 sentences in 20 minutes and the time is crawling up to their next appointment and they cut you off; this is not professional. when they honor being on-time for the patient after you BUT not you it’s time for you to fire them.

—here’s another example of when to stop seeing someone; say you have places, people or things that make you uncomfortable and sometimes can cause you to stressed and you want to vent about this issue in order to function the remainder of the day and this happens time to give them the boot. in the span of the phone call no matter how long/short it is that ACTUALLY upset you more rather than giving you create ways to cope with your stress. if after hanging up with your therapist/msw you have to call a family member or your boyfriend to calm down it’s time to send them packing.

remember your mental health is just as important as your physical health and if your needs are not being met it’s time to go shopping for someone new. you as the patient needs to be treated as the most important person in that 55 minutes if however you feel that issues are not being resolved after 10 sessions or less go shopping.

 

in the recent week horrific things happened in Seattle. the day of violence i stayed glued to the TV not sure what i was going to with my day. the crime spree came a bit to close to where i live i decided that the best thing to do would be to stay home. it’s interesting the father of Ian has come out and said that for years they attempted to get him help. what wasn’t discussed in the media reports here in Seattle is that 1 in 4 American’s have a mental illness either undiagnosed or something they have refused either drugs or treatment for.

media presents mental illness and has for years by showing that people who have hallucinations and delusions are violent. something that is not in fact true. however, for the Hollywood writer’s out there it makes for a great and dramatic storyline even though they are misrepresenting the mental illness in the show. the public is so miss informed that they believe that mental illness is something that happens to “other” people.

considering the steady and rampant increase is meth, bath salts, non-medical pot use and LSD it’s not surprising that men are eating another man’s face or the steady and violent increase in violence related to bath salts. what the general public believes is that drugs won’t cause a psychotic break or cause someone to spiral when in fact it does the majority of the time. when people are admitted into hospitals by force after becoming violent what the doctors often discover is someone’s addiction is masking their mental illness. the misconception is that alcohol doesn’t make people spiral when it does.

drug addiction along with the ratio of 1 in 4 people with mental illness actually increases the percentage of people with mental illness and addiction. my rough guess is that it’s closer to 45% of the population who has an undiagnosed what the system calls dual diagnosis of mental illness and addiction. which means the ratio of “other” people having problems greatly increases. 

what a majority of the population doesn’t recognize is that a majority of people who have mental illness are often the victims of violence rather than the person committing the crime. my last blog was about anorexia and how it has become “trendy” to be underweight. the point that i think most people are missing is that anorexia is a mental illness-the person suffering from pro-ana or anorexia are either repeatedly told that they are “fat” or they repeatedly tell themselves that. that in a nutshell is a mental illness.

next time you see someone having delusions listen to make sure they’re not in fact threatening anyone and if they are not-give them space. people with mental illness have bad days just like the rest of us-they make look much worse than yours but if their in counseling or taking the drugs the next day will always better.