imagining the worst

all my life i have been plagued by the thought that harm will come to me in some form or another. it’s something i have been battling my entire life-and i am always surprised when things don’t go bad and things turn out okay. i know it’s hard for my husband to deal with me constantly imaging the worst when everything is going okay.

since i have left the hospital: my biggest fear is that i would end back in it and i would be harmed when i am. i think part of this thinking comes from watching too many bad TV shows and enclosing the thought in my daily routine rather than recognizing that it’s just a bad thought.

the same goes for if i am wearing certain clothing i think people say bad things about me while i am wearing them. something i have dealt with since i was in high school and i would pick fights with random people because i thought they called me something bad.

living with a mental illness is difficult and i feel that my illness sometimes gets the best of me. which is why i am so thankful for the support that i have in my life and how much it means to me.

%d bloggers like this: