a few years ago i was very sick & very paranoid & it landed me in the hospital. while i was suffering i made youtube videos of the places i was paranoid about. today i took them down as i sadly realized that i was being judged by them.

whenever i experience judgement i think of the number of families that hide this very real secret. 1/4 people suffer from mental illness & don’t seek treatment as they don’t want to be judged. this is sad. i can spot symptoms in both adults & children & it’s not very difficult.

it reminds me of the good people i know-the people that see how kind i am & how giving. a few months back a good friend of mine said that i was a catch; pretty cool considering i have been married for 6 years now and my anniversary is coming up soon. judgement is like that it blinds you of the good stuff.

i feel grateful for my husband because he see’s me not the label or the stigma & he doesn’t try to make my hard days harder rather he supports me which makes a world of difference. every spring/summer i think about all the guys that didn’t see me.

that didn’t trust me or accused me of doing stuff i hadn’t done. there where many but none as good as my husband who knows that i don’t have to wear my wedding ring everyday because i can shake an aggressive come on without it.

i feel lucky & grateful that i have that-and that i waited to get married. sometimes it’s just better to be the good person rather than the judgemental one. because love doesn’t see judgement/love see’s you without it/ flaws & all & that’s all you need.

hi, everyone who still reads this blog i am back!! i took a writing block vacation. i was told by a resident a few years back that my blog was interesting and a good learning tool. well, coming from someone who functions quite normally this was a surprise.

i am happy to announce that we have a new dog who is adorable but very co-depent so if he starts whining i may have to quit writing. my marriage is good–we go out to the parks when the forecaster says it will rain and be windy and enjoy the weather for all its glory.

i have left nami something i was first really sad about but i could have contributed more than in the ways they had me there. so, i am looking for a new place that i  can make an impact(more than just answering the phone.)

i have a great team that takes care of me and am grateful that i have very few symptoms but can recognize when i do have them.

that’s it for now-will be coming back next week. stay tuned.

it’s beautiful weather out but i am feeling sad and lonely after Sniffy died in my arms a month ago. he kept me company got me motivated to go outside everyday even when it was raining. i miss his paws walking all over the house and how he would celebrate when we would come home. he was adorable running around in circles and squeaking his favorite toys. he was our alarm clock and he would tuck in and come to bed with me when Greg would stay up late.

he loved riding in the car and loved it when we took him to parks. one of his last trips was out to a trail system not far from us. he walked the whole way up but we had carry him on the way down. he wanted shorter walks in the neighborhood and would turn where he wanted us to go. Sniffy was a big part of our lives.

when i was pregnant a few years back-before we got the bad news Sniffy would follow me to wherever i ended up puking and stand and be concerned until i told him i was okay. he saved my life 7 years ago when i felt i had hit rock bottom walking Sniffy everyday was a small and comforting blessing. the house is quiet without him.

the roughest part for him leaving us was that he died in my arms-he took a few labored breaths and then he was gone. my favorite part of Sniffy was his smooth and soft ears and how he would let me pick him up and kiss him something he let me do to the end. the days just aren’t the same without him. i will miss him for the rest of my life.