It’s been a while since I’ve written anything. Things are still progressing & I am getting excited. Excited for a change of pace & a different outlook. 

Today I ate lunch at one of my favorite restaurants after a Long morning & I am not a morning person. Well sort of. 

A change is a coming & even though there’s places & people I will miss change is good! It’ll be great to experience a real winter again & maybe some amazing nature. 

Thank you to all of you who have seen me & not my illness or issues. I hope to see you in the future over a short latte..

16 years & here I am reflecting on the bubbles-the places that made my heart race & the friendships. Seattle has changed, it’s morphed into something I no longer want. The bubbles are all the places I will come back to; the rest I am more than happy to leave behind.

Maybe it’s the amholes that have taken over SLU or that Google is building bubbles for people they will hire from CA that will find Seattle *cold* in the winter time… or maybe it’s the national politics. Racism, bigotry & the rise of the new anti-immigration sentiment. How often I have to explain that I have been in this country since Reagan.

I miss OLD Ballard, where the old people would drive down the street with their blinkers on & hatties was the only place you could get liquor on a 2nd Saturday. Microsoft & amazon was the only gig in town for the robots & the hackers. I miss the neighborhoods before they became gentrified & full of angry trophy wives all dolled up with their strollers.

I am grateful for my friends who I will miss dearly & coffee places where no one has broken my heart. The constant planes over our house/walks to the train/discovery Park in the rain. The open mikes I loved where I’d wear my heart on the sleeve. The drives to the snow, to the PCT & a pint of Mannys with my pizza.

BUT I won’t miss the constant explaining of why I still BELONG to rude strangers, or amhole bots from the other part of the globe. Or the yuppies that drive to my *sketchy* neighborhood for pizza & jaywalk back to their cars. I won’t miss new Seattle; I will miss the OLD.

a few years ago i was very sick & very paranoid & it landed me in the hospital. while i was suffering i made youtube videos of the places i was paranoid about. today i took them down as i sadly realized that i was being judged by them.

whenever i experience judgement i think of the number of families that hide this very real secret. 1/4 people suffer from mental illness & don’t seek treatment as they don’t want to be judged. this is sad. i can spot symptoms in both adults & children & it’s not very difficult.

it reminds me of the good people i know-the people that see how kind i am & how giving. a few months back a good friend of mine said that i was a catch; pretty cool considering i have been married for 6 years now and my anniversary is coming up soon. judgement is like that it blinds you of the good stuff.

i feel grateful for my husband because he see’s me not the label or the stigma & he doesn’t try to make my hard days harder rather he supports me which makes a world of difference. every spring/summer i think about all the guys that didn’t see me.

that didn’t trust me or accused me of doing stuff i hadn’t done. there where many but none as good as my husband who knows that i don’t have to wear my wedding ring everyday because i can shake an aggressive come on without it.

i feel lucky & grateful that i have that-and that i waited to get married. sometimes it’s just better to be the good person rather than the judgemental one. because love doesn’t see judgement/love see’s you without it/ flaws & all & that’s all you need.