today was a sequence of twists and turns and unexpected joy; i just came home from the hospital after being in there for nearly a month. i was shaking when i received my belongings and was nearly overwhelmed when my husband came to pick me up.

after i came home i was filled with great fear related to my mental illness-i felt panicked and frightened and couldn’t sit down for nearly 2 hours, however a phone call with my mother calmed me down and doing mundane chores did the trick.

coming from the hospital the way i did was life altering i was looking out over the city while walking our dog this afternoon and felt sad that i had taken Seattle for granted for so long and being Free to go outside whenever i want to.

tomorrow i start intensive outpatient therapy that was approved by the court i am now on probation for the next 3 months and risk re-arrest if i don’t comply with the order. this is making me take former twice a months sessions that weren’t mandated and makes me miss them terribly.

i am grateful for the staff at the hospital who taught me coping skills and where kind enough to say calming things when the stress got the best of me. living with a mental illness is difficult but it’s important to have a steady stream of supportive of you as the person and you as the patient.

i don’t have the words to thank my husband but i hope that by helping around the house we will make it through the next 3 months even when there’s bump in the road.

here it is i have been in the hospital for nearly 3 weeks and the Dr. Green tells me he may have me illegally detained up to 3 months when i am not showing any symptoms of harming myself or others.
they “team” sat there this morning and laughed at me when i said it. as if i the patient didn’t know the law and how they are doing intentionally.
all i know is that you should never take a doctor “team” seriously if you’re charge nurse isn’t present in the meeting. also, most teams don’t need to talk to family members that’s just a violation of patient/doctor confidentiality. please pray for me and my hearing tomorrow as i will need it.

here i am back in the hospital again and was told yesterday that my husband and i can’t show affection for each other by staff. something i found really upsetting. however, i finding that Harborview is not compliant with patients confidentiality or the treatmend of us. i also don’t trust staff that tell me i am safe when i am scared i will be raped while being restrained before my court date. the hospital is supposed to make it’s decision on Monday so i hope all goes well till then?