Since I have begun to go through old journals, I found a journal today from 18 years ago where I discuss a guy that I placed on a pedestal for years. What I discovered was that he wasn’t as amazing as I have been thinking or thought for years. Turns out he wanted to Mold me into something or someone else & didn’t accept me for the person I was.

I am grateful for my husband who does & accepts me for me, flaws & all. Something I am very happy for & that’s why we’re still together. He has never tried to change me into someone else. Even with the difficulties I have had he still see’s me for me. That’s probably why I love him so much.

But this changing you into something or someone else is not healthy, you have to be accept for the core person that you are. I realized today that, that love affair really wasn’t so amazing after all. He became controlling and manipulative in the brief time we where together which is why I ended things when I did. He accused me of ridiculous behavior & expected too much too fast something which is a HUGE red flag.

So hey that love affair was just that brief & for that I am grateful that I found my husband when I did. Sometimes you just know when you’ve met the Right person & they don’t try to control or manipulate you but love YOU, period.

I had to write again as I went into the city of Bergen this week & was greeted with empty streets & sidewalks. The city was eerie & it was uncomfortable to walk around as there was 25-30 people that I saw in the hour I was in there. The city was a desolate landscape & I found out that my favorite cafe is closing for 6 weeks. I was devasted to find this out as I rely on that place for both inspiration & a good cup of joe.

I walked by one of my favorite bakeries & it was empty, there was no one sitting by the windows eating or getting a bun to snack on. When I got to our independent grocery store I was relived to see people in the store. They where the oasis in the desert & I was so happy they where open!

We can see the highway from our house & it’s quiet, no more afternoon rush hour or morning congestion. The neighborhood where in is quiet & the buses are nearly empty. I went to the bus stop yesterday morning & I was the only one there. When I got to the bus stop where there’s usually students & families waiting for the bus there was just a man waiting for the bus.

All the college students have gone home or are in insolation in their apartments. I saw that a professor I know locally is now teaching online & they launched last night. Something that is very positive.

I am also grateful for the fact that my husband & I have a espresso machine at home so I can still drink good coffee while we are in isolation. I will miss my cafe that I used to go to write & socialize. I also like the ports are closed to cruise ships it will quiet down the city considerably in the next few months. They have closed the borders with Sweden & Denmark something I think is a bit drastic & the airplanes have stopped flying over our house.

I hope you’re well stocked on coffee & toilet paper. Till next time savour all those boring household chores.

Since the days have become so uncertain & we don’t know what’s around the next corner I have started listening to music from when I was in high school & college. I think that it’s funny to listen to cult classics, that even 20 year old now know about. Music is fun that way it connects us to something present while at the same time connecting us to a memory.

Here where I am they are shutting down the airports tomorrow & the harbors to the public. It shows how severe they think the epidemic is, something I never thought it’d see in my lifetime. Living in uncertainty is no fun & you have to keep routines so you don’t let the brain wonder & you freak out.

I am also working on my new book but that’s a labor of love & will take some time to get down on paper, literally. So, between that & doing chores around the house I figured I’d smooth out my music mix on Spotify. I have a little bit of everything on it so why add some more oddities.

I have always had an eclectic taste in music so I am going to make my mix on Spotify start to reflect that instead of being full albums to artists I hardly listen to. Music is fun that way, you realize that 30 years later that you still like the song or Hate it. I found a mix on Spotify that I have pulled some songs from & others I just skip.

I am sitting here listening & singing to Ironic by Alanis Morrisette a song I loved high school & college. Stay safe & wash your hands, till next entry.