This post was written in the Summer of 2008. When I had essentially hit rock bottom in my life. It was written in the moment & is not my life today.

it has been almost a year since i started living in the closet, the small tiny room in the transitional housing program i am in. the phone sometimes rings incessantly outside of my room, doors slam. 30 women drift down hallways, argue over packs of cigarettes, chores. Anything. sometimes women in the house argue over Nothing just to have something to do. i live with shelter bullies. they are usually the easiest to spot as they tend to be accusatory over small things, their body language is always guarded & they rarely Ever leave the House.

hence, i leave the house whenever possible, take my laptop & escape. i am reminded that i can go get a coffee & use wifi & feel like i am not living off of $339 a month. one of the things i am proud of is that my rent has been on-time since i moved into the house & that i am in good standing with the staff, even though we could use a new coordinator who actually Gives a damn. i am grateful when i see the street homeless with their backpacks & unshowered bodies i am glad that i can shower whenever i want.

It’s the annual Thanksgiving post & this year I am especially grateful because we are both healthy & happy.

Since March it’s been a year like no other, the pandemic shut us in March & we didn’t feel we could breathe until June when we took our vacation.

June & July where months where we took a sigh of relief & enjoyed our freedom. Traveling up north for a little bit, where we went hiking & seeing friends.

The Fall brought on onslaught of restrictions & we have spent the last 5 weeks with home office & barely leaving the house.

I am still grateful however that we have our health & that we’re safe.

I also wanted to thank my friends who I see around town & the ones I see on Skype.

Last but not least I am grateful for my husband & our solid 10 year marriage, that we celebrated this Summer.

All in all it’s been a weird year but a good one & so far no COVID in our house.

Oh and Biden won in the USA so all is going to be good there too!

I am still working on my book & came across a therapist I attempted to see 15 years ago, that was one of the Worst I have ever seen. She diagnosed me with something that’s so outrageous I am not repeating in this blog. She made me out to be out of control in my life because I was single & having fun at the time. Her diagnosis flabbergasted me as I thought better of her than her actual practice.

She’s not the only bad therapist I have seen, or social worker; in high school I forced to see a guy who attempted to make my living situation very dangerous. He sat in his chair & attempted to tell me that the abuse I was living in at the time, I was “making” up for attention. I found out later in the 1990’s that he lost his ability to practice, with good reason.

Red flags in therapy means you switch therapist asap; if they diagnose you with something that feel outrageous or not true & “they are” the “only” person who can help you. Get a second opinion. They come late to your sessions or doesn’t respect the hour you have with them by shortening it or not honoring it. Switch.

The book has brought up many questions for me, like how my choices weren’t always the best in my 20’s and part of 30’s. I dated the Wrong guys or took the good guys for granted. I acted badly when I was younger not always seeing what was in front of me or what they had to offer. In some ways I have regrets but they’re not many. I look at dating like I look at therapy, the therapist should impress you by listening & encouraging good behavior in you; not by undermining you or the progress you yourself feel that you have made.

Remember to listen to your gut instinct because it’s often not wrong. Holidays can be stressful but take time for YOU and ONLY you. Self care is really important even during a pandemic. Breathe & repeat. Stay tuned for next week comes the annual THANKS-giving post.