for the past week i have been sick with the Flu-i slept more than i have in a longTime and really needed it. stay Tuned for my Thanksgiving entry next week.
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i am walking around with a new pair of shoes-a gift from my BF, a surprise i didn’t expect-the irony being that i got a pair of fugly slip-ons from an ex i have only referred to as the 11k ex. as i spent 9 months in physical therapy dealing with the injury i had. i still have too much pain that it hurts to run and do really physical activity. i adore my red shoes, because i adore and love the guy that gave them to me.
they are simple maryJanes and are the first pair of red shoes i have owned since being an adult. i haven’t had a pair of red shoes since i these cute pink shoes my dad bought for me when i was 10; strawberry shortcake shoes that he had purchased in america when we still lived in norway. they where awesome. my first cabbage patch kid was bought in norway-and i adored it-back then they where cheaper to buy overseas.
i miss my old scrappy apartment with a view of the mountains, but don’t miss the Slum lord aspect of where i lived, nor the discrimination i got for being a woman. not having access to everything is what is the hardest. living out of my backpack was hard i remember finding a really great shirt but decided to give it away as i didn’t want to carry that and other things my mom thought was good.
my writing has changed-because of the medication i am on and how i am functioning. someone suggested i take pictures of my room-and blog about my life in transitional housing. i decided against it partially out of respect of the other women i live with and for myself.
i am Glad it’s Friday! i’m fruitcake prepping this weekend.
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monday is finished, i am between training and getting my life back together after nearly a year of not knowing where i’d end up. right now i am dealing with my chronic fatigue-today, i am flared(translates into muscle pain, and exhaustion) i spent the morning catching up on sleep that i had lost the night before. transitional housing is not warm and fuzzy, as it’s a temporary environment that i am in. i have my bedding from storage, a few sweaters for winter, very little of my clothes as most of it is still in storage.
i try to take everything a day at a time-one moment at a time. i can’t make it if i start thinking about what i don’t have, rather than what i do. when i was in the homeless shelter i had to take things a day at a time. i became edgy and uncomfortable even around the people i love. part of it was the acute medication i was on-that rendered me drugged up and spacey most of the time. i can recall taking Depk-within two hours i began to worry that i wouldn’t be able to defend myself if something happened. a very icky feeling.
now, i am on different medication for my mental illness-i am more comfortable and have begun laughing again, whole heart laughter, all the way down to my belly. something that feels really good and i haven’t done for a long time. when i was on Depk-and haldol i felt like a drugged up zombie, my shoulders hunched over, my walk became weird and awkward and my speech changed. something i have been reliving in my head for the past couple of months.
coming to the raw realization that i will have to be on medication my entire life is hard to take, i still hope to have kids, a stable job that i love and the ability to spend my money wisely, an issue i have had for years due to my illness. i know when i begin to spiral now because i will either purchase an item i can’t afford or i will buy something i won’t eat.
i need to send some email, and get ready to finish up some chores back at the house.
