Some: Times

Navigating life through coffee, volunteering & laughter.

Recent Posts

  • Red flags on the bow

    19 years ago I made the mistake of dating a black hat programmer. The mistake had a impact on my life I didn’t expect. I had a tough time trusting other men after & the damage was psychological & brutal.

    I saw all the red flags right away but ignored them because I wanted to believe that he was a better person But alas he was not. The spark I felt became a distant memory when he hung a camera up in his bedroom. He wanted to “share” our sex life with gawd knows who?

    I drew the line & when he had two separate hard drives I knew something didn’t add up. The icon for porn on his computer & the sketchy “friends” he had in his life where no better.

    I called off the relationship but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He has never stopped stalking me, until I left the US. He would show up every 6 months like clock work. I think he had a tracker on my phone?

    I learned after moving that I was Lucky for getting out of it soo fast. Now, I’ve moved on & am in healthy relationship with good boundaries. It took a long time to process the remnants of the toxic relationship. But I got out intact & that’s all that matters.

  • How Excuses…

    Are justified to serve the abuser. I had a great conversation with my bestie today & realized while talking to her how my parents justify their behaviour towards me. I was nearly killed by my father over a wine bottle I wanted to pour down the sink.

    It has left me with neck & shoulder issues that will never go away. In college I went out to a bar one night & this catty, bitchy girl spilled beer on my sweater, she acted like typical abuser & blamed me for wearing the sweater, that somehow that made it my fault. That’s the most atypical abusers act, by blaming the victim because the victim wanted it to happen.

    That justifies their violent outbursts & somehow convinces them that their actions where justified. That’s how abusers work. I know my mom goes around & tells people how dangerous I am & that I deserved to be nearly killed by my father. That way she can sleep next to him at night. Something I would Never had stood for if it was my daughter.

    But let’s go back to the beginning, when I was in high school & grade school my father would tell me how worthless I was & then tell me that “no one would believe” me because I wasn’t physically being hit. It was full on psychological abuse & to this day I believe that he wanted me to kill myself in high school.

    That way he could still have my “perfect” sister left & wouldn’t have to deal with me. So, when the assault happened when I was 23 I wasn’t surprised by his violence or how close he came to killing me. Let’s just say he had been threatening me for years. I remember being in the ER & the nurses & doctors telling me I wasn’t safe at home.

    I cried not because of what they where saying but because I finally had proof of his violence & my mom’s ability to enable him to do it. I still have mental scars from my childhood & I hate chamomile tea with a passion. He didn’t just spill beer on my sweater but he actively tried to kill me.

    The difference is now I am believed & I no longer have to “pretend” that my family life was or is somehow “perfect.” Because ever since I was a little girl & the abuse started my life hung on by thread. In high school I started to believe that suicide was an option, anything was better than my home life.

    I no longer need to covet or to lie because I am believed & that’s more important than pretending my sacred childhood was somehow sacred. Because to me it was a fight everyday to stay alive no matter how bad it was in school or at home.

    Do you spill beer?

  • The 3rd Wave

    Here we’re in the Third wave of the pandemic & another lockdown is upon us again. However this time the amount of people that are in the hospital keeps climbing as does the amount of cases in Oslo. Where there’s a spike & the R# is getting out of control.

    The Third & fourth wave are usually the most serious as the variants of COVID have become more easily spread, the British & Brazil variants are far more contagious. Something I find scary. I expected another lockdown just not over Easter.

    I feel more at peace with it at this point & sadly have come to a realization that we may not be able to travel anywhere until 2022. Since the Norwegian vaccination effort is slower than an elephant, I doubt I will be vaccinated before October.

    It doesn’t help however that one of the vaccines is faulty & had to be pulled from the efforts that are already slow. I am getting fed up with being at home but what’s the alternative??

    I guess I’ll have to find some way of getting excercise & walk around the neighborhood for one. This is soo frustrating but the alternative is far worse. All the hope I had two months ago is gone. Makes me sad.

    Till next time.