after much thinking& maybe some over thinking i decided to call off my present relationship. i realized after writing my last post that i needed to get my focus back on myself & what i need to do in the future when it comes to finding housing. the fact that we never Clicked the way i want to with a guy that i am going to marry. we got along and once in a while he made me laugh. laughter is key to relationships lasting & i ran into a smoldering old flame who i once did Click with making me think.
i also realized that i was given gifts by my former lover, but in the end that didn’t make up for his roaming eyes on other women or the child pornography that floated around on his computer, the unsecured guns in his house & the recent 24 year old edition that moved in within 18 hours of me calling it off. yeah, the odds where stacked against him. all the issues i mentioned where not things he was willing to fix or find a solution to. i started thinking about what the future would be like when one afternoon i was waiting for him to get back from work i realized that my belongings would never Fit in his life, he has already decorated & there is no Space for me.
similar to how it was 4 years ago, his old apartment was full of belongings to his former girlfriend & i didn’t fit into his life than either. this past February he popped the question on 14th, really lame & tacky…he bought me the laptop i am currently using for my birthday & even got me a customized ring i felt special wearing till i realized that he not only flirted with married, pregnant women in front of me but had a roaming eye that never landed back on me. i have had one of the hardest year & half of my life-& i never felt like he saw how hard i fought for myself.
the next half year will be hard, finding housing will be an uphill battle & getting myself out of homelessness is not easy. i have Faith in myself that i can do/manage whatever comes along no matter how hard it may be. as much as my heart hurts i feel that i made the Right decision. i am not on the market, but i will enjoy pretending to be& flirting without Guilt will be great.