paranoia/paranoid

i was diagnosed with my mental illness last summer & am finally becoming more comfortable with who i am & where i am going. i went to one of my favorite cafe’s where i ran into a few people i know & some that i would rather forget. a few years back i was i attempted friendship with a woman that on the outside APPEARED normal-but underneath was nowhere near it. i didn’t spend time with her because she was continually stalking her former lover, what she proclaimed to be a man of wealth that had tossed her aside-a rejection she couldn’t take.

in the VERY few months that i spent time with her she routinely changed her cell phone number-or changed phone& her employeers where always undermining her work & her progress. i don’t recall what transpired or what our falling out was, i do however recall calling her & her number had been changed Yet again. i just gave up-& shrugged her off. today, she reminded me of me a few years back, when i would routinely change my phone number because i had paranoid thoughts that didn’t make any sense. until i came upon the number i have now. a number i have no interest in changing.

what she reminded me of-& who she is scares me, her obsession with her former lover, renting out her house to random strangers & constantly feeling stalked is a sign of schizophrenia& intense & disturbing anxiety. today, she refused to acknowledge me, i doubt she even remembers who i am, she looked she had developed a meth habit & looked unhealthy. i sat outside the cafe& breathed a collective sigh of relief that she is no longer in my circle of friends. paranoia like the type she exhibits is destructive, her constant harassment of her former lover was something i found disturbing until i realized that she is a GOLD digger& not a very good one.

having my mental illness & being told that i am in good recovery was a great sign for me today, i was told i should do advocacy because i accomplished things for myself without the need of getting help. i am happy because this fall is going to be great, i am really looking forward to my new beginning& i am debating going back to school, seriously this time. i no longer feel like i am constantly being stalked or followed, i also don’t think that i can rule the world from my cell phone. i wake up in morning & deal with life as it comes-but i also recognize how grateful i am for friends i do have& the ability to see how mental ill someone was & my guess still is.

i am looking @ myself & not being afraid of what i see-because i am proud of the things i have accomplished. my steps are no longer small, they are powerful strides& because i am comfortable with who i am where i am going for the first time in 2 years i am not afraid of the future, not even running into people who are schizophrenic-because i may have my moments BUT my phone number won’t be changing because i do.

living

Cecilie E Roaldset View All →

I am a 44 year old writer and poet that just published my first collection of poetry called Greylight. I live by 3 simple rules everyday, live, laugh, love. I currently live in Norway with my husband and our dog. I adore people watching and seeing how others see the city I now live in. I hope you enjoy reading and if you ever have any feedback all is welcome.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: