mixed. tossed. stressed out. it has been one of those moments recently when things just seem to be on a shift-& the full moon is over or so i thought. the house has been wearing on me-i get accused of being a “gossip” when i don’t Talk. much like today because some princess in hideous shoes & gross pants sits down next to me with 2 laptops, first of all that is a BIT extreme in a cafe-to add: one is a Mac/one is a HP neither has a black screen to shield the person sitting next to the Beast.

she stares me down with her fugly top gun glasses & accuses me of “snooping” when i was turning my head, because this is a public place. i told her that if she wanted privacy-the library has rooms you can reserve & No one can see in. Lucky for me the barista shares my view. if you want privacy you can simple work @ home & pay extra for your “privacy” eh. anyway, she is obviously Late to work & from my guess is also confused, working on 2 laptops is a BIT much. she’s using 2 tables on what has been a busy afternoon for the place i go.

it’s ironic as i have ONLY encountered the temperamental lately-i broke down yesterday as i reached my breaking point with all the gossip in the house, we have a new patient there someone who is quite sick-& is Very Unhappy. she has been complaining about the stuff that doesn’t change, the staff that remains the same, gossip, not being liked. i could write her laundry list in this entry, but i am not going to. the house is what the house will always be a place for women to NOT get out of being homeless. in that regard the program is a failure.

i am beginning to count down my last month, it’s the only way i will survive it. being threatened to lose my federal welfare check has angered me this week-the doctor hasn’t turned over my paperwork & i may or may not have my meek, lame benefits next month. tomorrow i get to spend the morning on the phone-trying to figure out the whole mess that is not my fault but our poorly managed welfare system. i was told in no uncertain terms that i can’t work, with a meek $339 a month & being told that really angers me. the system essentially doesn’t work to get out of…

argh. lame. hence, i feel that i have the Right to get emotional when things sitting in my life this way. i know things will get better, there is only one way to go & that is UP. somehow i hope that i will beat the system instead of becoming someone who is chronically homeless& destitute. seeing the part of the society that can’t keep bathrooms clean or clean up their own rooms after themselves is sad. there is no demand for the women in the house to keep a tidy room, although there should be. there is no demand for the women to get a volunteer gig, or a job. it’s essentially a poorly maintained warehouse for women, or as someone else put it an all expense hotel. i am Happy i will soon be checking out of, only a month to go. till then i hope to Avoid Beasts in cafe’s….