i have been living in a house full of alcoholism, drug abuse, cross gender issues & sometimes acute mental illness that the staff takes very little heed of. the phone may ring incessantly outside of my room, door slams, the kitchen is filthy & i often wonder if the place will make me sick, but somehow it has not. living next to someone who is cross gender is Exhausting, when in the end the pink bottles of shampoo & tiny bra’s doesn’t make her more of one gender. the non-educated response i got back about the pink shampoo bottles was Because her hair is Straight (ah what?) i studied fem theory in college & understand the Branding of the female trait-down to the pretty smelling bottles of shaving cream that cost $5 a pop & really aren’t much better than what men use Only more Expensive.

we have conspiracy theories about staff other women in the house,  when someone gets a new room, move upstairs that only grants you an Extra meek night out. we have staff that would be better suited to work at McDonald’s serving happy meals than working with the women in the house. then on the other spectrum we have Great staff that work with us, Not against us. depending on who is working that Shift the trend goes either way. or has we have begun saying in the house the door is either open or it’s Closed. being treated as if we don’t have an education is Lame; the constant down talking by happy meal staff gets tiresome.

in some ways being in the house has taught me about the Issues that actually matter, what is on the main TV unless it’s monday does not. it’s a shared TV & we have to sign up for a meek 2 hours per-week, that is of course if staff remembers to post the sign up. the happy meal staff who tend to take personal calls when they are not on their breaks is unprofessional. we have a daily chore, our recycling has become disgusting as is our garbage container which the director Finally admitted is out of control. much like the house is going. but i digress.

there are days that i miss having my own kitchen to cook in, the ability to sleep in my own bed& have more than the clothes i absolutely need next to me. i miss having the ability to watch bad TV by myself, hear nothing but my own voice in a room. i am Grateful that i am no longer in the street shelter i was in last summer. Grateful that i have a laptop that i can use to look for work & another place to live. however, i am counting the days till i am no longer dependent on a code & chore task to guide my day. i am looking forward to the next chapter of my Life& getting back my sex drive& love for cooking i miss.