cancerous friendship

i left the transitional housing program & since then my life has been looking up, in small ways. i have had better interviews& better living situations have come into my life. i have attempted the last month to retain some contact with the women that i lived with & came to realize today that they are the same drama queens they where inside the house as out.

maybe it’s the pity factor or always having to pay for their coffee, food & other expenses that i seem to end up responsible for when i spend time with them. it’s the user factor-something i noticed when i was in the house, among the theft there was also constant petty theft. clothes would disappear out of the dryer if it wasn’t guarded constantly.

since i have left i attempted to stay in touch with a few women i lived with-but realized the day before i left that i would always be the one shelling out because they where always broke or claimed to be. i want to go into social work & after seeing how little Real guidance low income women have it’s something i want to change.

i have also seen myself in the low echelon & not taken myself seriously enough to see beyond the mentality i encountered in the transitional program. when you believe you’re not worth anything you treat everything around as though it isn’t. it’s something i have had a first hand experience with today as i attempted to spend time with someone who was more busy telling me ALL the wrongs in my life, rather than all the good points.

if i am getting into grad school & my life is on the upswing i need people that are positive & not negative-for the past almost 2 years that is all i have dealt with. because of my own position i thought that it was okay-NOW i realize i have had enough. i need to be on the upswing & that means not taking my own boundaries for granted.

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