7 days since i left the shelter..my first full 8 hours of sleep! today, is a Big day in the program i am in; it’s about how i fit in the house and what my potential is here. i found a calendar yesterday called “intentions of 08” i looked @ & decided that i would in fact Buy it for my new room. the front page says “dwell in possiblity” something i didn’t know would ever happen.
the dwelling in possibility of course and sleeping a sound 8 hours on a mattress with a room and my own window; day 7 is exciting-it’s also My Lucky number. i am hoping that it will stay with me today-through the meeting & food shopping spree at the store later? Real Life-the way the shelter was to me was Harsh,
but i learned who i Trusted and why. i didn’t lose my stuff although the washing machine @ the shelter shredded my Favorite pair of underwear. but it’s clothes That can be replaced, i can’t. i am debating making a clothing donation run within the next couple of weeks, the things i have that i don’t really wear, taking all my clothes here is not something i am going to do.
i don’t have the space that is making re-think Every-thing. it’s one Step @ a time. nice and slow-Breathe. that’s what i am going to try to remember, it’s the Most important. that’s how i survived 2 months on tiniest camping gel mattresses i have ever seen. i Breathed every night i felt the hard floor below my bones, when i began to roll off-but i taughts myself how to sleep even on them. the Street was Closer than i ever Thought i get to it.
i didn’t. i found my strength and began managing my meds & finding a mattress on a floor-i savoured the weekend at my friends house, the brief glimpses of the Life i thought i would lose my close friend wouldn’t let me. he Dragged me to places i was loved often me in 2 days worth of the same clothes, often wondering if people could see that i was living out a small black backpack. i know my favorite librarian knew-but they Never asked.
Thank Gawd. such is life on day 7. it will be the only week i will ever count again. the Rest will be hard-finding myself, but i know what i want out of life. For me. Now.