today was a sequence of twists and turns and unexpected joy; i just came home from the hospital after being in there for nearly a month. i was shaking when i received my belongings and was nearly overwhelmed when my husband came to pick me up.

after i came home i was filled with great fear related to my mental illness-i felt panicked and frightened and couldn’t sit down for nearly 2 hours, however a phone call with my mother calmed me down and doing mundane chores did the trick.

coming from the hospital the way i did was life altering i was looking out over the city while walking our dog this afternoon and felt sad that i had taken Seattle for granted for so long and being Free to go outside whenever i want to.

tomorrow i start intensive outpatient therapy that was approved by the court i am now on probation for the next 3 months and risk re-arrest if i don’t comply with the order. this is making me take former twice a months sessions that weren’t mandated and makes me miss them terribly.

i am grateful for the staff at the hospital who taught me coping skills and where kind enough to say calming things when the stress got the best of me. living with a mental illness is difficult but it’s important to have a steady stream of supportive of you as the person and you as the patient.

i don’t have the words to thank my husband but i hope that by helping around the house we will make it through the next 3 months even when there’s bump in the road.